Passing on our Limiting Beliefs
How often do we pass on our limiting beliefs? To our partner, friends, strangers, and children? Can beliefs we never say aloud shape the people around us by how we act (or don’t)?
These questions came to me while I was taking my son to soccer practice. He’s been playing recreational soccer seasonally for 5 years. He loves it but hasn’t had an interest in improving his skills outside of this. I’ve asked him and he always says no.
Today, as we were getting ready to go, he said “I want to be in the World Cup…no, I’m going to be in the World Cup”. Of course as a parent I felt the need to say “it will take a lot of practice”, his only response was “of course I can’t be on the Argentina team I’ll have to be on USA”. He was in happy vision mode.
Thankfully, I noticed my knee-jerk response before it actually happened - the one that feels the need to educate and inform. So I paused and really checked in with my next move - what occurred to me was that anything I would say in that moment would be coming from a place of my own limiting beliefs. I decided to be quiet instead, he was happily daydreaming and in a good mood, no response was necessary from me in that moment.
While I was letting my thoughts move and flow, I thought of a time in my young adulthood (when I was a complex ball of anxiety and uncertainty) a college peer asked me if I had a dream and if so, to share it with them. When I did, I was taken aback by the contempt in their response - that moment infused the image of the dream in my mind with so much additional uncertainty. I think we all have this urge to point out a weak point or flaw in someone’s dream or goal - but who are we to decide our own perspective (which is often a very limited one) should be used to dampen someone else's spirit or aspirations?
As I allowed myself to sit with my own thoughts and not become wrapped up in them, another thought “who am I to say it won’t or can’t happen, that isn’t my place to even think that”, it really is only my thoughts and any beliefs I developed over my lifespan so far. The next thoughts were, “how cool would that be”?! And, “my only job is to support him and let him see how far he goes with it”.
I think sometimes we are trying to protect people by not letting them get their hopes up, or we’re trying to educate them - it will be hard, a lot of work, here are the obstacles you will need to overcome, and so on and so forth. Or, we unconsciously say something defeating or negative or that implies or blatantly states we lack faith in their ability or the world’s ability to support them in achieving their goal or dream.
It isn’t for me to decide if someone’s dream or goal is possible. Life has a way of surprising us, so why not believe in the possibilities.
If my son changes his mind by dinner time, that’s ok.
At the very least our only job is to not stand in the way of someone’s dream. Faith, conviction, and focusing on the goal are how to really give those dreams a shot. Anything else creates unnecessary obstacles and saps energy, even worse could poison the water enough to make them believe the limitations instead of the possibilities.
At our highest, we can support the person when we have the capacity, help them bring the idea into lived experience and be a source of faith along the way and no matter how far they do or don’t get along the road.
Don’t force yourself, others, or life into a box made up of old or unhelpful beliefs.
Let life surprise you.
